The Mom Date :: Making Mom Friends

Meeting mom friends is an awful lot like dating.

You have to have the right social situation to meet, you have to be open and friendly, have good topics to chat about, and be available. I was never a great dater, and I can honestly say that I don’t find mom dates easy either. In fact, I suck at it.          

mom tribe

Photo Credit: Lulu B Photography

As moms we are often told to find our village, or to create our tribe, that we need support and friendship. All true. Many moms are great at this — they join a mom’s group, attend a couple of meet-ups and they are solidly connected with supportive and lovely women experiencing similar challenges and accomplishments. However, for some mamas this is easier said than done and I happen to be a member of the latter group. Some of us are just not good at “mom dating.”

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I want to be a member of the easy breezy mom friends group, but for whatever reason I’ve never really connected in that way.

I’ve failed the mom dating challenge.

I’m not socially awkward, nor am I shy per se. In fact, I can be charming and gregarious on occasion, but I think I would describe myself as aloof, or standoffish in most social situations; it just takes me a while to warm up or have people warm up to me.  I’m definitely not good at small talk. I would rather have a deep conversation about world events than chat about a reality TV show.  I also tend to have my guard up, as childhood slights often times dictate my adult behavior. Vulnerability doesn’t come easy for me.

I’m always surprised to learn that other moms have gotten together outside of the original social context. When did they make plans? Did they exchange numbers? How did they do that? Why didn’t they ask me? Or more importantly, why didn’t I ask them?

The Mom Date

Photo Credit: Lulu B Photography

Surprisingly, I’m learning my sense of isolation is not uncommon. A lot of moms that I’ve talked to feel like other moms have it all figured out — they have their support group, rich social calendars and that special mom friend on speed dial. I too have lovely friends on my speed dial and anyone can make themselves busy with social activities, but I think what I and many moms are craving is that deeper connection to a community that promises support and understanding; someplace or someone that we can connect with on a bad day, pick up the phone for a friendly chat, or just see what’s up in another person’s world beyond what they post online.

I have no answers to my mom dating conundrum.  Instead, I continue to search, and reach out when I’m comfortable, and hope that at some point I will feel that deeper connection beyond just friendly acquaintance and experience a great mom date.   

5 Responses to The Mom Date :: Making Mom Friends

  1. Emilee August 15, 2016 at 9:53 am #

    I really appreciate the honesty in this post. As a soon-to-be first-time mom who also happens to be a Milwaukee transplant, I feel anxious about the prospect of forming friendships with other moms, but I am hopeful that I’ll find my own ‘village’ here.

  2. Emily August 22, 2016 at 7:26 am #

    I am completely the same way when it comes to making friends. We are new to the Milwaukee (WI) in general and I am completely intimidated by finding friends…

  3. Laurie
    Laurie August 31, 2016 at 9:48 am #

    The only thing I can suggest is to follow your passions, if you do things that are important to you in general the friends are likely to follow. I’m learning the more authentic I am and the more I seek out people with like interests to me (beyond babies and kids), the more likely I am to make friends.

  4. Kristen H.
    Kristen H. October 16, 2016 at 8:35 pm #

    I can absolutely relate to this post. I think I’ve always struggled with feeling like an outsider when it comes to being apart of a group of mom friends. Sometimes I read into things (like the mom dates you mentioned) and think there’s something wrong with me. Its comforting to know that not everyone is good at dating… I honestly never thought of it this way. This gives me a new perspective on connecting with moms. Thank yo for being so honest!

  5. Lori January 30, 2017 at 8:36 pm #

    Omg I could have written this! I have zero mom friends in real life. I have a who group of online mom friends from babycenter though. From all over the country. Since I’ve been a mom, I’ve worked full time and lived in three states. I’d love to have a group of friends outside of my career, but after 11 years of mom’ing, I’m starting to think it’s not in the cards for me!

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