The Diva Cup Chronicles

Unless you have only just joined the realms of the Internet this past week, you’ve probably heard of the Diva Cup by now. It’s a replacement for your average tampon or pad during your period.

The Diva Cup is special because it’s reusable, good for the environment, great for your down-under because you’re not inserting chemical-filled tampons, and above all, can last up to 12 hours before you empty it out. You insert your Diva Cup into your vagina, and *poof* like magic, it catches all the blood and you’re free to go about your normal life with no one the wiser.

This past month I’ve had many conversations with my friends about it. A few of them tried to convince me this is the way to go. Intrigued by the concept, I decided to get one and try it out. I have such a heavy flow that I can go through a super tampon every 2 hours during my heaviest days. Anything that will save my underwear and sanity is worth a shot. So I went to the store and purchased a Size 2 Diva Cup because apparently the Size 1 is only for those who have not birthed or for those with young, nublie lady parts. Since I certainly did not fit either of those descriptions, I opted for the former. 

Once I got it home, things went a bit off the rails. What follows are the actual messages sent between myself and a friend who, though they shall remain anonymous, I truly hope knows we are now bound for life by blood. (See what I did there?) 

diva cup chronicles

The Diva Cup Chronicles

FriendI have a serious question. Is the Diva Cup diswasher safe? #askingforafriend

MeDid you get one??!! 

FriendI almost did, but then got offended by the sizing. 

Me: I got one! I got the old and stretched out kind. This is BIG. This is supposed to fit WHERE?

Friend: LOL

Me: No joke. I’m on the toilet try to rotate this thing 360 like the directions say to.

Friend: Maybe you got the wrong size?

Me: I got the old and stretched out vagina size. I’m starting to feel good about my vagina. Perhaps it’s younger than it looks.

Friend: OMG. HAHA.

Me: It’s in! I got it! I’m doing squats to ensure it doesn’t fall out. This is comfy. Definitely more comfy than a tampon. I keep doing Kegels to try to feel it. 

**20 minutes later**

Friend: Has it fallen out? Can you feel it? I’m tempted to get one now.

Me: Well, it hasn’t fallen out yet. I don’t feel it. We’ll see how it goes when I empty it out. My worst days are over, which may be a good thing because I have my nice jeans on today and don’t need to look like I butchered an animal. It’s THICK. I guess I imagined a thinner thing going up there, but it’s thick. Seriously amazed it fit in there.

Friend: Is it big??

Me: Wider than anyone I’ve ever been with. 

Friend: OMG, haha. How did you fit it in? Did you fold it?

Me: Yes, you fold it in and shove it up there. But it doesn’t rub like a tampon.

**2 hours later**

Me: OMG. It’s lost. The cup is lost in my vagina. I went to pee and check on it, and I can’t feel the tip. I’m sitting on the toilet right now trying to find it. I’m half crying and half laughing. THE CUP IS LOST IN MY VAGINA. I mean, what do I do? WHAT DO I DO?

Friend: Grab the kitchen tongs! Are you sure you put it in? Are you sure you didn’t take it out? Cuz I’ve definitely felt around looking for a tampon only to remember I took it out.

Me: Good Lord. I have never in my life gotten something stuck in my vagina and simultaneously messaged someone while looking for it.

Friend: Check your pants. Check the toilet.

Me: I found it. I also gave myself a pap doing it. I washed it and put it back in. It’s much easier the second time around. Guess my vagina is more stretched out than I thought it was. Sad.

All in all, I like this cup. It’s much easier than a tampon when you get the hang of it. I’m still not sure what to do in public, but I’m reminded that it can stay in place for 12 hours. If I empty it before I leave the house, I should be fine. I’m not looking forward to my period, but I am curious how it will hold up to my heaviest days.

Has anyone else tried the Diva Cup? What are your thoughts on it?

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2 Responses to The Diva Cup Chronicles

  1. Nichole March 20, 2017 at 7:27 am #

    I Started using a diva cup about a year ago and I love it! I sometimes forgetI’m even on my period now because I don’t have to worry about changing it several times a day. It definitely takes a little getting used to inserting it. As for as it getting lost, the hard part is trying to relax while you’re freaking out that it’s lost, but if you relax and slightly bear down a little it can almost always be easily removed again.

  2. Naomi March 21, 2017 at 12:02 am #

    Everything about that time of the month is disgusting. The diva cup is no exception. Nonetheless, I love it. The public restroom is scary because i went number two and I felt it was going to be pushed out. I mean i pushed out a 9.5 lbs baby so i knew i could do it but didn’t want to. Needles to say, it did not come out. I did put my hand to catch it just in case. It was expensive and i don’t want to have to buy it again. My favorite place to dump and rinse is when i’m in the shower making sure debri does not get stuck on the floor mat. On my heavy day I dump and rinse every 6 hours and i just have to remind myself to do it in the tub instead of the sink where for some reason i think it is less gross. That has been my experience so far. Thanks for the article. Happy to see more talk about it because it is the best way to deal with that time of the month in my opinion.

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