When coming back from vacation as a kid, I would feel anxious on the day we returned home. The special event was over. It was back to my mundane life at home with parents, homework, and dance class. That life wasn’t awful, but I still was sad to see the fun trip behind me. The only two things that could pick me up were the fact that we always had Chinese takeout the night we came home and the act of finding something else to look forward to.
This feeling has continued into adulthood. I’d feel it at the end of conferences I planned and Christmases spent out of town. Of course I felt it after our wedding, because what bride doesn’t?
Which brings us to now…
Before we even had kids, my husband and I agreed two was our magic number. It was a good meeting place between our histories as the only child and one of seven. With this number, we thought we could give our children the attention and things they needed while providing them a sibling to tease and support. Maybe we could even still find some time for ourselves too.
Flash forward a few years and here we are with our completed family — one mom, one dad, two kids, and one little stinker of a dog. This is all I dreamed of, right?
I love how the two of them interact. It’s fun to watch my husband be a dad to two different personalities. I enjoy being a mom of two.
Then why am I so anxious about the next step?
We are taking medical measures to ensure no more babies happen to us. We are both absolutely, 100% ready to be done so it’s time to cut the cord, so to speak.
But this is now for real. Just like I looked at impending motherhood with sadness for those carefree, baby-free days behind me, now I’m sad that this stage is over. I feel that day after vacation feeling once again creeping in.
This is a time of great excitement and accompanying great sadness. We are now smack dab in the middle of this great adventure called life and closing the door on additional lives entering our family.
As I deal with the dirty diapers of one kid and the temper tantrums of the other, I am firm in my resolve to only have two kids. I’m relieved that I never have to be pregnant again. I am happy with my family of four.
But I’m sure I will feel that familiar anxiety of special days in my rear-view mirror as we recover. Hopefully, like those days in my teens, I’ll eat egg rolls, this time with my two sweet babes, and look forward to fun times ahead with both ladies. Cheers to the next stage of life!