This week has been rough. The kids have been cranky, the house is in disarray, we all have cabin fever. As mothers, we can often feel overwhelmed. But every once in a while, when I feel especially exhausted and defeated, I can’t help but think to myself:
“Am I cut out for this?”
When I was younger, I never really imagined becoming a mom. It was never something I dreamt of for myself. Of course that all changed once I got married and we decided to start a family. All those years ago, as a first time pregnant soon-to-be mother, I was very nervous. “Would I be able to handle this?” “Would I be a good mom? Dear god, please let me be a good mom!”
I adore my two kids, and can’t imagine life without them. But, some days, I can’t contain my hatred for Elmo. I just need to sit down and watch something on TV that I want to watch. And I don’t want to have to sift through one millions legos to find the remote to watch said TV.
Shouldn’t I love hearing “Let it Go” played on repeat, since I see how much joy that song brings to my sons’ faces? Yet, I might throw out any speakers in the house that dare play that song ever again. I watch my husband, happily playing nonsensical games with our kids while never missing a beat. My husband has always been cut out to be a parent – he’s wonderful at it. At times, I envy his ability to be so easy going and patient.
But me – I’m constantly feeling the weight of responsibility.
I’m responsible for these two little people, and it’s on ME to raise them into happy, well adjusted adults. That’s a lot of pressure. What do I know anyways? I’m well into my 30’s and am still navigating the waters.
I don’t enjoy losing my patience with my kids because I know they are little sponges, learning everything from me — bad habits and all. It just can all be too much every once in a while. Which is why I sometimes come to the question of, “Am I cut out for this?”
But, when I find myself drowning in uncertainty, I know one thing for sure. No matter what I feel, I have two amazing kids that are depending on me. I don’t have to be perfect, or “cut out for this,” to be exactly what they need.
So, all you moms out there who are struggling to make it through playtime without losing your mind, and then immediately feeling guilty that you aren’t savoring these motherhood type experiences, I hear you! I’m right there too. We are all indeed cut out for it, even when we think we aren’t.