The End to the Argument “What Kind of Parenting is Harder”

Mommy Wars

Momming is hard. It’s an underappreciated, underpaid, and understaffed position with benefits in the form of cuddles and kisses, precocious smiles, high-pitched giggles, scraped knees, dirty kitchen tables, and endless laundry.

It’s also one of the most hotly contested arguments among women today — Who has it worse?

I’ve been (almost) all the types of moms in one way or another over the last five years: stay-at-home mom, working mom (both outside the home and at home), single mom, overtime mom, only parent (after being widowed), and stepmom.

And let me tell you, once and for all, we ALL have it worse – and best. End argument.

It’s amazing how fast the day flies by when you’re a stay-at-home mom, and how priorities force us to focus all our energy on the kids and their activities. But my house was probably cleaner when I worked outside the home because I maintained a crazy strict schedule then. Of course, working 60 hours a week outside the home meant I wasn’t there to help my daughter learn to read or to ride a two-wheel bike. Trade-offs.

As a single mom and now as a stepmom, I’ve had to be both parents, hone my conflict resolution skills to learn how to co-parent with another person, both of which are super hard sometimes. But then again, as an only parent, I had to make all the decisions. And when my only-parent decisions didn’t end up great, I had no one to blame but myself.  Trade-offs.

When I was an overtime mom, I felt really unappreciated because I was trying to keep everything going, but you know what? I felt that way when I worked from home, too, because while I was physically in my house, I was trying to manage calls and writing and other business-y stuff while my kids didn’t appreciate that I wasn’t home for their amusement and constant entertainment. Trade-offs.

Just like everything else in life, there are victories and challenges involved in all kinds of Momming. None of it is easy. And with every kind of parenting, there were days I wanted to throw in the towel, and other days I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else or doing it any other way.

Look, we’re moms. We’re on the same team. We all have the same end goal: to raise responsible, independent, decent human beings. Let’s celebrate each other instead of rallying against each other.

Let’s give high fives instead of icy glares or snarky comments. Motherhood is not a competitive sport.

Is Single Momming hard? Heck yeah! Is Working Momming hard? Definitely. Is Married Momming hard? Oh yeah. Is ALL Momming hard? Absolutely. And it’s also crazy rewarding, chaotic, messy, and beautiful. 

Why don’t we agree that we’ll show the little humans in our care that kindness matters? That it takes all kinds of people in this world? That it’s better to support and love than degrade and argue? Let’s SHOW them what we try to teach them. And let’s start with our fellow moms.

And no matter how you mom, keep it up. You’re doing a FANTASTIC job!

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