At the time of writing this post, I am just a few short weeks away from adding another little one to my family. To put it mildly, the emotions are running wild.
Let’s be honest. They have been for the last 34 weeks.
First off, why does no one tell you how different your second pregnancy is? With your first pregnancy, you have all the time to sit, relax, and just enjoy being pregnant. But there’s no time to relax with your feet up while you’re chasing around a toddler. I don’t think I’ve ever been more tired in my life.
I expected this pregnancy to be filled with nothing but excitement for our new baby. While there has been so much happiness, I have also experienced so much of what I never would’ve expected: guilt.
Thanks to all the wonderful pregnancy symptoms, I have spent these last few months feeling like the shell of the mom I used to be. Because of my exhaustion, I have turned down so many games of tag. My growing belly has made it so difficult to sit on the ground and put together a puzzle. I have always taken great pride in being the mom that plays with my son, instead of simply watching. These days, I am definitely a huge slacker in the play department, and that breaks my heart. I should be doing my best to soak up these last few months as the mom of just one kid. There are just so many days where I feel like sleeping instead of spending time with my son.
Plus, I feel like my patience is so thin. I get upset with my son when he tries to climb up for a piggyback ride or when he presses himself a little too close to my growing belly while he sits on my lap. I should not be getting angry about these things.
He’s only trying to be close to me, and all it does is irritate me. Cue the mom guilt.
And, don’t even get me started on all the feelings about having to split my time between two kiddos instead of one. On one side of the coin, I feel terribly guilty about having less along time for my first born. There’s going to be a huge adjustment period as he gets used to sharing his mom and dad with his brother. On the other side, our second child is never, ever going to have the same amount of alone time as our first born had, and I feel so guilty about that. There’s just no winning.
I am hoping that the arrival of baby number two puts most of these guilty feelings aside. I have no doubt that they will still surface occasionally, but I am so hoping all of the joy and happiness will overpower them. After all, I know my son is ready for a sibling. It is obvious every single day. Plus, I have so much more love to give. I know my hugs are definitely wide enough to wrap up two sweet boys.