My ex-husband of almost 5 years went off and got a girlfriend. They’ve been together for almost a year…and I’m not coping well. Like, seriously, this whole situation is making me lose my mind. I’m angry. My heart races and I want to lose it at the thought of my ex-husband moving on. I know this is going to sound so crazy, I just never thought he would.
During the abuse, I worked really hard, with the help of my therapist, to accept that it wasn’t my fault. I worked to accept that his hatred towards me wasn’t a reflection of who I was, but rather who he was. I wasn’t unlovable. He was unable to love. But now he loves someone else. So maybe it’s possible that I’ve had it wrong this whole time. Maybe it really was me the whole time.
I know there are so many blended families and divorced parents who date. I’ve come to the conclusion that these women are just stronger than I am. Women who can embrace and handle their exes dating have a strength that is foreign to me.
I thought about the day when he would introduce another woman into my babies’ lives from the moment I knew I had to leave him. I tried to imagine the pain and hurt I would feel. But I had no idea how intensely and consumingly the jealousy would flood over me. How deep the stabbing pain would penetrate.
I want to like her. I really do. She seems sweet. But I can’t shake the idea that she’s living the life that was meant to be mine.
The man who promised to love me for the rest of our lives now loves someone else. I will be ok with this. I need to be ok with this. Because it’s not her fault and because my boys need me to be.
I want to know this other woman. I want to like her. But she scares me.
What if she’s a better mom than I am?
What if my boys love her more than me?
I know I’m being crazy. That’s what jealousy does. And laying it all out there, I’m so jealous of this other woman in my boys’ lives. But because I love them fiercely and they love her, I will learn to like her. And at the very least respect her. And maybe even someday love her for loving my boys.
Putting my feelings to words has already helped me feel a little better. However, it’s time to roll up my sleeves, I still have a lot of work to do.