When Your Family is Complete

family is complete

When coming back from vacation as a kid, I would feel anxious on the day we returned home. The special event was over. It was back to my mundane life at home with parents, homework, and dance class. That life wasn’t awful, but I still was sad to see the fun trip behind me. The only two things that could pick me up were the fact that we always had Chinese takeout the night we came home and the act of finding something else to look forward to.

This feeling has continued into adulthood. I’d feel it at the end of conferences I planned and Christmases spent out of town. Of course I felt it after our wedding, because what bride doesn’t?

Which brings us to now…

Before we even had kids, my husband and I agreed two was our magic number. It was a good meeting place between our histories as the only child and one of seven. With this number, we thought we could give our children the attention and things they needed while providing them a sibling to tease and support. Maybe we could even still find some time for ourselves too.

img_5463Flash forward a few years and here we are with our completed family — one mom, one dad, two kids, and one little stinker of a dog. This is all I dreamed of, right?

I love how the two of them interact. It’s fun to watch my husband be a dad to two different personalities. I enjoy being a mom of two.

Then why am I so anxious about the next step?

We are taking medical measures to ensure no more babies happen to us. We are both absolutely, 100% ready to be done so it’s time to cut the cord, so to speak.

But this is now for real. Just like I looked at impending motherhood with sadness for those carefree, baby-free days behind me, now I’m sad that this stage is over. I feel that day after vacation feeling once again creeping in.

This is a time of great excitement and accompanying great sadness. We are now smack dab in the middle of this great adventure called life and closing the door on additional lives entering our family.

As I deal with the dirty diapers of one kid and the temper tantrums of the other, I am firm in my resolve to only have two kids. I’m relieved that I never have to be pregnant again. I am happy with my family of four.

But I’m sure I will feel that familiar anxiety of special days in my rear-view mirror as we recover. Hopefully, like those days in my teens, I’ll eat egg rolls, this time with my two sweet babes, and look forward to fun times ahead with both ladies. Cheers to the next stage of life!

Have you felt this way once you decided not to have more kids? I’d love to hear from you in the comments if this was an easy or hard time for you.

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6 Responses to When Your Family is Complete

  1. Karri
    Karri September 20, 2016 at 7:13 am #

    Yea!! Truthfully, it happened later in the game. My husband almost skipped off to his vasectomy and i was so so happy. But a year later? I had doubts. Did we make the right choice? Of course we did. We firmly knew we did not want any more children. My body doesn’t do pregnancy well- i couldn’t even fathom putting my family through a 3rd round of bedrest. So yeah- I totally get it

  2. Megan
    Megan September 20, 2016 at 7:54 am #

    I am so guilty of this! I feel like I’m always looking for “What’s next?!” versus “What’s now!?” Thanks for the reminder to center myself.

  3. Lori September 25, 2016 at 8:44 pm #

    I’m battling with this anxiety but am in a bit of a different position. It was my hubby’s decision to stop at two. I desperately wanted three or four. I reluctantly conceded and he “got fixed”. My kids are now 10 & 8 and I have baby fever in the worst way. As they grow and develop into these little people, smart and independent and beautiful little humans, I can’t help but wish this wasn’t the end of my baby making life. It doesn’t help that my 8 year old son wants to be a big brother more than anything and let’s me know this frequently. I can’t help but feel resentment towards my husband for taking this away from me so long as he remains my husband. I wish I would have voiced this more firmly at the time. Some days it’s worse than others. I suppose this is my life though, and I’ll just have to live vicariously through my child bearing friends and family. With that, I’ll say, make sure you are 100% positive this is your choice because it is permanent and regret is not an awesome feeling.

    • Maggie
      Maggie September 26, 2016 at 9:02 am #

      Oh Lori, I’m so sorry to hear this. I have no words of advice or comfort for you. Man, this is tough.

      I’m 100% ready. Even when I have my moments of “this is sad it’s the last time that…”, it quickly passes.

  4. Sarah Poppy March 12, 2017 at 4:41 pm #

    We only planned on two, didn’t plan on them being 7yrs apart and my second to be a special needs kiddo. That’s life and I can’t change it we had decided a long time ago unless I had c sections he would be the one to get snipped. So the day it happened I cried not because it was the wrong decision trust me 100% right decision but to fully except that this was it no more brand new baby smell was hard.

  5. Andrea July 17, 2017 at 8:17 pm #

    Every day- I wanted 4 kids then my colicky son was born so I said 3 we’ll we have a healthy boy and a healthy girl- I keep thinking if we had more wed chance having something go wrong or even just having 2 demanding kids instead of 1 and 1 easy going kid- but every time I think I I need to talk to a dr I get cold feet

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