A Letter to My Child in Your Heartbreak


To My Darling Child in Your Heartbreak:

I see your sadness and the way you question your worth and there are so many things I wish you knew. I know it is hard to hear, but they were not the right person for you. I know you think you’ve lost the love of your life and you will never find someone as good again. But, this just wasn’t the right person or the right time for you. 

How do I know this? How do I know this was not the right person for you?

I know this because you are heartbroken and the right person will never break your heart. The right person will treasure your heart as the gift that it is. The right person will ache when you ache and work to never cause you pain.

I see you. You wonder what you did wrong. Nothing. It was nothing. Sometimes people are not right for each other. Instead of appreciating differences, some people find reasons to criticize them. Some people will use differences to drive a wedge instead of delighting in something new or unusual. They will ask you to change yourself to accommodate their likes and dislikes. They will attempt to shape you into what they want instead of valuing you for you. Don’t let them make you think you are not valuable. I know it sounds cliche, but it is their loss if they cannot see what a treasure you are.

Heartbreak is hard and lessons in heartbreak are even harder to learn. The lesson is not to give up who you are to please someone who cannot see how wonderful you are. This lesson will eventually reinforce the importance of staying true to yourself, to never compromise your identity of values for someone else.

This lesson that comes from heartbreak is to never settle for less than you deserve. And you deserve EVERYTHING. 

And so, as my heart breaks seeing the pain in your eyes and hesitation in your demeanor, I wish I could absorb your pain. I wish I could take it in and make everything better like I did when you were little. You put your head in my lap and I stroke your hair until you stop crying. We go for ice cream and you forgot who wounded you like no one ever has before. But, you are not a little child anymore and these simple things won’t distract you or make up for the betrayal you feel. 

Just know this. Everything you are going through is preparing you for the right person. It is preparing you to BE the right person for someone else. The love of your life.

And when that moment comes, you will be a better person because when two people are right for each other they make each other better with their differences. They support one another when one falters and celebrates when one excels.

So, until that time comes, let me give you some advice:

  • Don’t cut, color, or drastically change your hair thinking it will make you happy. It pretty much won’t, no matter how many times you try it. Especially bangs. Bangs never cure heartbreak. Buy a pretty headband or hat until the urge passes.
  • Don’t eat (or drink) your feelings. Exercise, meditate, walk, cuddle your cat/dog/rabbit/iguana/whatever makes you happy. It is easy to enter an unhappy cycle of using food or drink to cure sadness which only leads to a vicious cycle of unhappiness. 
  • Beware of thinking that another person can immediately fill the void left by your break up. That thrill of flattery or initial warm feeling may or may not be real. Listen to your friends and family and go slow. Rebounds almost never work out well.
  • Do Not Late Night Text, Snap Chat, or Call. Just don’t. Not worth it. There should be an app that stops this. Seriously. As a matter of fact, focus your attention on inventing this app and change the world. 
  • Do spend time with friends.
  • Do watch sappy movies and cry it out. Not too many though….only your favorites. Set a limit for yourself and stick to it.
  • Do spend time alone. Not wallowing in your own pity party, but time reflecting. List your good features, both mentally and physically. List what you aspire to be and start practicing. 
  • Grow. Don’t let another person shrink who you are, use this experience to grow stronger, more resilient, and to prepare to be a better you.

So, in closing, because I don’t want you to think this is a lecture, I love you. I love who you are and who you will become. Don’t doubt yourself and don’t think you are alone. There are many people who love you and want every happiness for you. And, until that time comes, just know that we are here for you. We are a shoulder, an ear, and sometimes a kick in the pants. We are whatever you need to move on and grow. 

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