The Great Divide: Non-Mom Friendships


non mom friends

We all talk a lot about “mom tribes,” and finding this wonderful group of other moms to bond with. But what about the friends in your life who aren’t moms? Where do they fit in? Or do they slowly fall out of your life?

It turns out making mom friends can be pretty darn hard. I had always imagined that once I had kids, I would magically gain a load of mom friends. But, things aren’t always that easy.

So, I clung to my closest friends for dear life.

But I found it was it was different now, because a lot of those friends didn’t have kids. The worst part was my very best friend, who has been by my side since grade school, was leading a completely different life than me. I was terrified I would lose her because we were now just “too different.”

Obviously, once you have kids, your life changes and everything revolves around them and your world. It’s easy to get caught up in your own life and feel like your world is more important, or more meaningful than someone who doesn’t have kids. And the same goes for someone without kids. My friend was single and dating and caught up in her life, naturally. It was hard at first to acknowledge how different we had become. But, I knew I wasn’t going to let our friendship slip away just because I produced a child. 

Embrace the differences. 

Non-mom relationships don’t have to be given up so easily. Just because my best friend and I live in different worlds, doesn’t mean we have nothing in common anymore. Our different lives don’t have to be this great divide, it can bring us together. But, it does take effort and consideration for one another. Every relationship takes work, and this is no different. 

My life as a mom is important to me. But, I don’t want my entire identity tied up in that. My close relationship with my non-mom best friend provides me with a different perspective on myself and my world. And I like to think I can do the same for her. We can talk about things that don’t always include diapers and mom tips. I actually like the fact that she isn’t a mom. Since I spend most of my time with my kids, I need a break from talking about mom related things. While I love the relationships I’ve made with other moms, I’ve come to learn that my non-mom relationships are also incredibly fulfilling. 

Do you (or did you) have a non-mom best friend? Do the differences between you ever prove to be too much?



One Response to The Great Divide: Non-Mom Friendships

  1. Erica November 10, 2017 at 6:56 am #

    My biggest frustration with my non mom friends though was their unwillingness to change or maybe their inability to really understand. I even tried having a blunt conversation about how I still want to spend time with you but it cannot be spontaneous anymore and it has to be different bc I have different expectations at home and can’t drop things to meet for a drink or stay out super late. Thankfully I have made new mom friends or my best friends have become moms along with me but I sadly have had to let some of the non mom friends go bc I felt like all the work was on my end and they just weren’t making enough of an effort to keep up thier side. Maybe it was that those friendships I had weren’t as strong but it’s true especially as a stay at home mom I can count the non mom friends on one hand and rarely see them.

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